What Comes After Babies?

June 19, 2013


I wrote this on 11/05/2009! Some things never change! We all need a little reminder… enjoy!

The list: 1) Crush. 2) First kiss. 3) Boyfriend/Girlfriend. 4) Engagement. 5) Wedding. 6) Babies… 7) uh….7) hmmm? Babies and then what?

There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time…). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming…showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps…but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj’s at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.

My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to a little nooky. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I’m not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of “preying” on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I’m cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare relationship status to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and “oooohh, there’s some fried chicken I haven’t had in a while so I’m going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!” And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it’s cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies…we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.

Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really…) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don’t ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I’m reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then…well you get the picture. But it can’t just be twice a month right? No it can’t.

This is where it really gets hard (I really can’t help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ’s sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito is in trouble again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don’t tell me you can’t afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don’t ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.

Consciousness.  We do so much for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I’m no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can’t seem to get myself out of the funk. I’m tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it’s a negative. When things are good…oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.

What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?

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  • Reply Sharon June 20, 2013 at 8:47 pm

    I think you covered the main aspects: taking care of each other, Not losing sight of each other and surprise one another. My husband and I still go on ‘date nights; For 14 years now, we take turns in planning our date night so it’s a complete surprise for the other. Weekends away, a glass of vino before dinner, listening, cuddling before going to sleep (always) and kiss a lot!! 🙂 It seems silly, but I feel somehow that hugging and kissing, (literally keeping each other close) keeps it ‘hot’. It’s really the little things that keep you in love and love your partner. Interest, respect and understanding. And taking care of ourselves too (not letting it ALL go) is also key. No matter how tired we are sometimes..

  • Reply Jenny July 1, 2013 at 3:49 am

    I will be married 14 yrs in Aug. boy have things changed. At first it was great but with him not working has taken a toll on us. He can be a crab when he wants to and takes a toll on the bedroom stuff. Unfortunately you get to a point where you say screw it. My body has changed from the hysterectomy and took awhile to get used to it. Trust me days where I am like are you kidding me. At one point I thought he just gave up on. Well I was wrong. He went to the doc to have a physical and found out he had issues with his testosterone. He was embarassed to tell me. I found out 2 yrs later!! If your other half isnt open with you it makes it hard. Just be honest and it will make the other person feel better and not think they are doing something wrong. I do miss the kisses hi and goodbye to just snuggling on the couch. I tell him how I feel and its fine for a few months and thats it. My friends tell me its a phase that men go through and some woman do too. We will see what happens from here.

    • Betty
      Reply Betty July 2, 2013 at 10:05 pm

      Jenny, Thanks for sharing. I know this stuff is hard. As much as I hate sounding like such a cliche, communication is key. It is everything. Unfortunately, your husband kept something important for so long. As you move past it, you can’t give up on hoping and believing that you can re-construct what is missing.

      Keep talking.

      Betty recently posted..5 Keepsake Journals for You and Your ChildrenMy Profile

  • Reply Jenny July 3, 2013 at 10:20 am

    Exactly Betty. 🙂

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